Season 1: Episode 9 - The Cost of Love and Therapy (Part 2) with Mary Ellen Mahoney
Updated: Jul 2, 2021
Why do couples come to therapy? Why do we lose sexual interest in those we love? What techniques can grow intimacy within our relationships? How do we know when it’s time to move on?
Registered Psychotherapist, Mary Ellen Mahoney returns to the podcast to share what ingredients make for happy relationships and how therapy can give us the recipe. And she delves deep into the value of daring to be candid and how we can create more conscious relationships.
This is the ninth episode of The Cost of Love with Haley McGee. Welcome.
Haley McGee is a love idiot. She’s also an actor and the author of the forthcoming book, The Ex-Boyfriend Yard Sale. On The Cost of Love Podcast she’s talking to a wide range of experts to try to figure out if the cost of love is worth it.
Each episode features a conversation between Haley and someone in the know, and they dig into that strange juicy place where love and money collide.
This episode is all about the cost of love and therapy with Haley's therapist, Mary Ellen Mahoney, a psychotherapist specialising in the mental health, ongoing creativity and life changes of performing artists and their families.
The interview is split into two episodes, this is the second part -- focussing on therapy when you're in a couple. If you haven't listened to Part 1 yet, we recommend you do that first.
We covered ‘Everyone’s a Love Idiot’ in the last episode. So, here we get straight into the good stuff, with ‘Brains Over Braun’, where we apply Mary Ellen's expertise to the concept of the cost of love. We cover:
Why people resist therapy
Why crisis is often the catalyst for investment in the self
If it's possible to "find" money for what you want
The fear we experience at the prospect of dismantling the self or the constructions of who and how we are
The difference between Psychodynamic Therapy, CBT, and Dialectical Behavioural Therapy
The million $ question -- how long does therapy take!?
The difference between doing therapy for crisis management versus a quest to live a more authentic life
What limbic resonance is and the role it plays in happy romantic relationships and good therapeutic relationships
The two most important questions to ask yourself in life, and the danger of over-inflating the importance of coupling
The kinds of issues that might bring couples to therapy, and the one's Mary Ellen wishes they'd come for
How 'the mirroring exercise' can improve communication between a couple by enabling us to avoid; Fight, Flight, Submit, Play Dead, Cry for Help
Whether the tendency to problem solve in a couple is helpful or not
The value of checking-in and how couples can become more conscious of each other
Why couples' fights are often the same fight, over and over
Why we might lose sexual interest in our partners, and why sex 12 hours a day 20 years-in is not the only indicator of a happy relationship
The decision to have children and its effect on couples
Finding love later in life -- what could happen if we lived in a world where it was okay for relationships to end, or if we allowed ourselves to feel the fear of being alone
In part 3, 'Free Hugs' Haley and Mary Ellen answer two listener questions; (1) What to do when you might feel resentful of the ratio of your spending to your partner's? (2) When and how it's appropriate to blend your finances in your relationship and if it's important to maintain a degree of separateness?
Haley wraps up with a note about the trepidation she felt, as well as the titillation, of interviewing such an important and deeply transformational figure in her life.
We're played out by 'Shout To The Top' by Style Council once again, the song Mary Ellen listened to on repeat when going through her biggest heartbreak. Click the link to listen to the whole song.
About Mary Ellen Mahoney
Mary Ellen Mahoney, RP, is a Registered Psychotherapist in private practice in Toronto.
An award-winning former professional stage actor, she is the founder of "The Actor's Sanity Studio", a centre devoted to supporting the mental health, ongoing creativity and life changes of performing artists and their families.
Her clinical experience with individuals and couples from all walks of life, particularly with regard to their intimate relationships, has led to the writing of her first book: Bring Me a Higher Love: Emotional Intelligence for Dating, Mating and Marriage.
Books & Some of the Other Things Mentioned
Definitions and key figures:
Books and articles:
Something I've Been Meaning to Tell You, by Alice Munro
Take In The Good , by Rick Hanson
A General Theory of Love, by Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini and Richard Lannon
The Ex-Boyfriend Yard Sale, by Haley McGee (available to buy now!)
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Stay in Touch
Submit a Question about Love & Money
Email firstname.lastname@example.org and give us some context while you're at it! We'll try to answer it on a future episode.
Writer and Host - Haley McGee
Producer and Editor - Maddie Haynes
Editor - Eva Lunny
Assistant Producer - Eliza Cass
Music and Audio Production - Robert Moutrey